Office work gives you a lot of time to think.
The desk in front of me says “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” She is not overweight. I wonder if that post it note even puts a dent in the doubts she has, if she looks at that phrase and thinks: cheese.
In high school, I was partnered with a rich girl named Shea. Like the butter. Every part of her was glossy, refined. Her teeth were white, artificially straight. Her arms were hairless, her legs. Her shoes were new, her uniform ironed. We were in creative writing; the prompt was pet peeves.
“I hate it when people wear sandals and don’t have a pedicure.” She glances at my feet, in worn flip flops. “Not you,” she says quickly. “I mean, it’s barely warm enough to justify getting a pedicure.”
I will never forget that. Every time I paint my toenails, every time someone else wears sandals, I secretly wonder if Shea is out there, cringing.
These women scare me more than anything. Anyone who has the discipline to say no to ice cream with their boyfriend on a Friday night, or who offhandedly knows how many calories that would be, or who has a list of all the colors of nail polish she has could probably conquer the world in my mind. They would look at pizza without a second glance and say No, thank you. I wonder what gives someone that kind of discipline. They would be precise and sharp like the razor that scrapes the hair away from the hard muscles she works out for – but not too much, because that would make her look too masculine.
I am soft. I always was.
When I look at her post it note, I think: cheese.
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Tai (Taisa) Chirovsky was born in Parma, OH, but considers herself a Pittsburgh, PA native after living there for over a decade. After graduating from Hiram College, she has mainly focused on paying rent, playing music, and writing. Chirovsky currently works as an Office Administrator at Carnegie Mellon University and hosts seed and houseplant swaps to encourage local food and ecological sustainability. instagram.com/taichaichurro
Photo: Julian Hochgesang
